it wasn't lemon gatorade
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
