he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Randomize