no, he came in my armpit
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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