VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
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