My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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