I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
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