Soap is not a condiment
Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
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