How'd it feel making her break her religion?
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
