I want to make a zoo with you.
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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