its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Randomize
