Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
it was like eating out sand paper
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Randomize
