As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
