Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
