I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Randomize
