just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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