Duck Duck Cougar?
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
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