i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
i don't plan on having that self control this summer
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
Randomize
