Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Randomize
