I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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