non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
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