she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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