My brain says no but my pants say off.
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize