i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
