after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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