I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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