Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Randomize
