Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
