If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
You are the jesus of drinking
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize