We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Randomize
