I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
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