Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
