is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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