She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Randomize
