never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
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