i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Randomize
