...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
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