I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
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