Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
