My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
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