even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
