Dude my mom stole all your condoms
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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