i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Randomize
