I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
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