So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
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