At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
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