If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Dicks are not precious.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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