i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
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