Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
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