well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
