The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
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