Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Randomize
