I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Randomize
