just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
