my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
We need a shit load of segways right now
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
