i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
