she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
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