Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Randomize
