so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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