somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
I just blew my weed a kiss
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
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