So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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