Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
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