i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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