No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Randomize
