She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
you never un-have a 4some
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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