Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
Randomize