How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
