i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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