Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
