Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
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